Conversations of Idiotic Proportions
by xHiddenMalicex
Summary: Angela and Eragon talk outside Angela's shop about Eragon's relationship with Arya, it all snowballs, but is this for the best? [T for future chapters] AryaEragon. Teansy bit of AngelaEragon might possibly be implied... Maybe.
1. The Conversation

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Eragon sat down next to Angela. They were outside her shop, and Angela was writing notes furiously. Eragon sighed heavily.

"It's not going to happen is it?" Angela looked up from her notes at last,

"And what, might that be?"

"Arya and I. She thinks I'm an idiot."

"But, my boy. You _are _an idiot."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence there." He started fiddling with his fingers, he was wondering why he had come here at all.

"But the thing is," Angela began "You are so much of a numbskull you are truly too idiotic to understand the entire extent of your idiocy." Eragon stared at her. "This, means that you persevere despite your lack of brain cells, and sometimes, somehow, with luck, and someone far smarter than you on hand, you manage to pull off amazing feats of bravery and heroism." Eragon was dumbfounded, he started to stutter a reply,

"Angela, I-I.. I d-don't know what to s-say I-" Angela cut across him

"But it's mostly luck." She returned to her notes. Eragon smirked,

"So what you're saying is, if I act like myself, and try not to play up around Arya, she'll like me?"

"No, what I am saying is that with the extraordinarily large amount of luck that follows you around, you stand a good chance of being in an extremely unlikely circumstance in which Arya falls in love with you." Eragon raised his eyebrows

"I see." Angela stood

"No you don't. That's the point. That's why your life works, you go marching into things without understanding them at all and then someone with much greater intelligence comes to rescue you." She grinned "Eragon, trust me. It will happen eventually."

She walked away carrying her notes with Solembum following her closely. When they were out of earshot of Eragon she said to him,

"Notice how I didn't say precisely _what _would happen, therefore no matter what happens, I predicted it."

"How very wise of you." Angela nodded

"Indeed."

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	2. Plans

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Thank you to my wonderful reviewers,

Midnightmoons (Thank you so much for the great ideas and the impatience! You motivated me to get writing… _that instant_)

And

HotWolfGirl (Thank you! For the ideas and the optimism!)

And

Mariano's-girl (Thanks! You scared me slightly. But made me want to hug you then continue writing… I feel so loved with my extra special review.)

My inspirations to continue with the story 

Eragon was sitting on Saphira's back rubbing her neck which was stiff from flight, they would be leaving Teirm the following morning for Ellesméra where they would be settling for a while, completing their training with Ooromis and giving Eragon a chance to talk to Arya who would be returning there from the Varden shortly to see her mother, Queen Islanzadí.

_Little one, you are troubled. _Saphira said, softly

_I am. It's what Angela said to me earlier. _He replied, it had been troubling him for most of the day.

_Do tell. _

_She said that I was stupid._

_Is that all she said?_

_She said that I was an idiot too._

_And?_

_That I was too much of an idiot to recognise my own idiocy. _Saphira chuckled deeply

_Anything else? _

_That I was extraordinarily lucky and that it would all work out in the end. _

_And you were offended by that? _

_It's not that, but what she said beforehand which bothers me. Am I really that idiotic?_ Saphira said nothing.

_When has anything hurtful Angela has said to you not worked out to be in your best interests at heart? _

_..When she suggested that one of my ancestors had mated with an Urgal. _

_But you deserved that. _

_Did I? _

_Yes. Little one. _

_I'm going to talk to Arya and sort this whole thing out once and for all. _Eragon heard Saphira make a noise that he could have sworn was a sigh.

_We will fly tomorrow, but for now, I must hunt. _Eragon dismounted Saphira.

_Pleasant hunting, and try not to scare too many innocent travellers witless, okay?_

_I promise nothing. _And she set off. The gust of air made Eragon's hair fly backwards.

"Wait," He said out loud. "How I meant to get down from this cliff without you?!" He began waving his arms frantically after her, calling with his voice and mind. "Saphira! Come back!" But she was ignoring him, she was hunting.

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	3. A Clearing on a Cliff

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Thank you to my wonderful reviewers,

No one new, at the moment. You all know how absolutely especially wondrous you are. And Midnightmoons… I've taken your advice!

My inspirations to continue with the story – My reviewers. My helpers and my hinderers my motivators as always, I love you all.

br 

Eragon had had to sleep on that cliff side, when it had been clear that Saphira was not going to be back for a while, he'd curled up to wait for her but he must have dozed off, because he was now being gently nudged awake by an all to familiar warm blue snout.

_Little one, little one. Awaken. It is time to leave. _Eragon grunted and tried to roll over, only to hit his face on a wall of blue scales. "Ouch." He groaned and lay in his back, looking up at the sky as clearly blue as he had ever seen it with not a cloud in sight. The snout snorted on his face and the warm sweet breath woke him properly, completely.

_Are you alright? Did I hurt you? _

_As a matter of fact, I think I may have broken my nose. But never mind. Look at that sunrise!_

He was sitting up now, staring over the tree tops to the horizon beyond and the beauty that lay in its embrace. Warm amber orange and red beams broke sanctity the watery blue sky, and it seemed to shatter at its touch. The trees themselves seemed to enjoy the beams of light, rustling their leaves as if in welcome. Saphira was actually glowing in the rays, light refracting off of her brilliantly blue scales and she looked back at the Sun, sitting next to him. Her eyes twinkled.

_It was nice of you to come and see me, little one. Why are you up so early, though? _

_Not up early. Up late. You see, people without wings tend to find it difficult to get down from extraordinarily steep cliffs from about 100 feet up. _

There was a hint of amusement in Saphira's voice when she replied,

_How _do _you manage? _Eragon grinned. Then realised something, and groaned,

_I need to go back and get my things. _Saphira looked at him with one sparkling blue eye.

_There is no need. Solembum came about an hour ago with your pack. _

Eragon almost hissed, and his hackles definitely rose "Angela must have sent him. Because obviously I'm such an idiot then I can't possibly be able to remember my pack before going on a journey."

"Even if you do say so yourself." Came a reply from behind him

Saphira let out a low chuckle

_Solembum didn't leave. _

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	4. Warnings and Advice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thank you to my reviewers. Their continuing support pulls me through! The new people:

Londonxlove (Thank you for the advice! It's been taken to heart I swear! Tell me what you think of the new chapter.)

My reviewers. My inspiration, my motivation, my determination.

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Eragon was shocked to say the least. Now he had to get out of this mess.

"I didn't mean that she was stupid or anything-"

_Little one, he has gone. _ Said Saphira, her voice was laced with pity and empathy, maybe even motherly. Eragon sighed and breathed in deeply, soaking up the Sun's rays.

_We need to leave. _He said, lying down to stare at the brilliantly blue sky.

_At this moment?_

_Well, maybe ten more minutes. _

The warmth of the day seemed to infuse Eragon with energy. He could tell that it was going to be a hot day, he was enjoying it while it was only pleasantly warm. He felt full of life on days like this and when he sat up, it was plain to see that everything else did too. The birds in the trees and in the sky were chirping merrily, singing their songs for the world to hear. The trees themselves were rustling their leaves in the faint breeze, illuminated by the Sun's early morning rays.

Eragon froze.

There was no breeze.

Something was coming through the trees extremely quickly, towards himself and Saphira.

He jumped onto Saphira's back and she was alarmed at the sudden change of mood, he said quickly, simply.

_There's something coming. We need to be airborne._

She took off in an instant. They were leaving the ground far behind and the Sun seemed much brighter now that they were in the air but Eragon and Saphira kept their eyes firmly on the ground, where the trees were rustling. There was a voice,

"So he told you he was an idiot?"

"Yes. Those were his exact words."

"He may already have gone."

"I doubt it. He seemed very comfortable."

Eragon scoffed out loud. The voices stopped instantly.

_Shall we land? _Asked Saphira.

_We may as well. There's a clearing near to where they stopped. _

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Angela hurried to the clearing only to see that she had missed the landing. But none the less she was glad to have found Eragon, she had been worrying ever since it had dawned on her the night before that he may do something idiotic because of her words. She half walked, half jogged, over to he and Saphira. She nodded at the dragon, she had always respected Saphira, it must be hard having to have brains enough for two.

"I have realised" she didn't mention when "That you are an idiot." Eragon groaned

"I think you made that quite clear yesterday." Angela shook her head.

"You will take what I said literally and go barging up to Arya demanding her love." Angela walked to stand right in front Eragon. "That won't work."

"How do you know?" He sounded so indignant that Angela had to fight the urge not to laugh.

"Do you know what you'll get if you do that?" Eragon shook his head.

"Maybe she'll see sense at last."

"Shall I show you what you'll get?" Eragon didn't like the sound of this, but nodded, thinking back to Saphira's words.

"Put your hands behind your back." He did so "And close your eyes." He did that too, Solembum raised his eyebrows, Angela was leaning closer to Eragon's face, as if to kiss him. Eragon could feel Angela's warm breath on his face, he wanted nothing more than to open his eyes but did what he was told and kept them screwed shut. Angela came so close to Eragon that their noses were almost touching. Closer…. Closer….. She tilted her head slightly… Eragon was waiting, eyes closed, wringing his hands behind his back. Angela breathed in one final time, and then…. She slapped him, hard, around the face. Eragon was so shocked that he couldn't react fast enough. She kneed him in the stomach and he was sent to the ground. Angela put her foot on his throat.

"That. That is what you'll get if you go around demanding people's love." Eragon clutched his stomach and writhed. Angela finally spoke,

"Now, do you _want _ to know what to do?"

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	5. Advice held at Ransom

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Woe is me. T-T

To my reviewers.

Mariano's-girl – Thank you! Your review made me laugh! Thanks so much for your continuing support, and scaring me into writing the next chapter. Death threats. They work!

Londonxlove - Heheh. Did you really think so little of me? I would have gagged too.

HotWolfGirl – Coming by to read a fanfic by little old me before going to school? I'm touched, really I am. In a completely platonic way, obviously.

OoOoOoOoO OoOoOoOoO

Eragon writhed. He was clutching his stomach and trying desperately to get up, but that can be quite difficult when someone has their foot on your neck.

"Yes! _Yes! _Okay! Just let me up!" He croaked. It can also be difficult to speak when you have a large red hand-shaped mark on the side of your face… and someone's foot on your neck. Saphira, it seemed, was in no rush to come to his assistance. _Figures. _He thought.

"And you'll listen?"

"Yes."  
"And you'll let me speak without interruption?"  
"_Yes."_

"And will take on what I say to be used later?"  
"Yes!"

"_And _you will trust me completely with your love life, knowing that what I say, though it may be unpleasant, is for the best?"

"No." Angela smiled and lifted her foot.

"Close enough."

Eragon got to his feet in one fluid movement, he rubbed his neck, glaring at Angela.

"Well?" Angela sat down cross legged on the grass.

"Well what?" She looked up at him innocently.

"You said you'd tell me what to do!" Angela raised a finger.

"Wrong. I asked you if you wanted to _know _what to do. I never said I'd tell you." Eragon sensed amusement from Saphira, he scowled.

"But you just asked if I-"

_Little one. Do yourself a favour. Hush. Sit. Wait. _Eragon nodded once. He sat on the grass where he had been standing and watched Angela intently.

"So the dragon got round to giving you some advice then." It wasn't a question. Angela was grinning at Saphira, Saphira nodded her head. "She took her time, anyone would think that she enjoyed seeing you suffer." Eragon shook his head,

"Not anyone, just you."

"It seems you are getting to know me at last." She smiled. "Right then, what were we talking about? A recipe for a good vegetable stew, wasn't it?" Eragon groaned, she refused to make this easy for him. He needed her advice and she knew it.

"I need your help. Are you willing to give it or no?"

"Willing, yes. Able, yes. About to, no." Eragon smiled. So be it.

"So we wait."

"Indeed, we do." He lay down on the grass, if he was in for a long wait he may as well be comfortable.

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Sorry it's so short!! T-T The next part is coming soon.. Later today if possible. It's just I have a party to go to and I wanted to get something up today just in case I get back late. I have your best interests at heart! Really I do! Anyway. Chocolate for my reviewers, -Hands out chocolate to reviewers- Make me happy!


	6. Advice at last

I'm SO SORRY that it's taken so long! Please forgive me! I've been in and out hospital for the past month or so and they keep dragging me away from the computer. Darn them! -Shakes fist menacingly- Anyway, I'm going to be here for at least another two months or so, but I _am _trying. Really! I am!

To my reviewers:

KewlKid – Thanks! She's my favorite character and I've put a lot of thought into writing her!

Londonxlove – Nothing like a party! Hehe. Too bad that the day after I got called into hospital. I actually had to talk to my consultant with a hangover. -Sigh- Hope you like this chapter.

HotWolfGirl – Thank you for the idea! It's actually a great one. Sorry to keep you waiting for so long. Oh and you're welcome! I mention you all, always, all ways.

Midnightmoons - Hehe, yes. I'm working on it, really, I am! Sorry for the wait.

Infinitysnail – I'm glad! But I refuse to divulge the ending. -Looks shifty-

Mariano's-twins – Hehe, okay. And I know! Have you _seen _him in the movie!? He's so blond and perfect and stuff... it kinda makes me want to puke. 

Rommie03 – Thank you! -Ego boost-

On with the show!

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The day was growing dark and Angela and Eragon were still sitting in silence, Sapphira had long since curled up and her breathing was suspiciously low and even. Eragon yawned.

"It's getting too late for you to start your journey." Angela observed. This startled Eragon as it was the first time that she had spoken since he had sat down. It took him a moment to reply,

"Uh... yes. We'll have to leave tomorrow." He sighed. Angela sat up straight,

"This proves something."

"Oh?" Eragon was going to encourage any conversation that had willed itself into existence.

"You really want my advice, as you were, before, adamant about leaving today, but you have willingly and without any protest, been sitting around for most of it just waiting for me to speak"

"Proof of my patience, it would seem." Angela smiled.

"Or laziness." Eragon shrugged.

"I prefer the former." Angela sighed.

"So then, would you like my advice?"

"Please."  
"Please what?"

"Please may I have your advice on how to woo Arya."

"So that you can fall in love, get married, and ride off happily into the sunset?"

"So that we can fall in love, get together, and pay you a considerable amount as a 'donation' to the running of your shop."

"Bribery?"  
"In the foreseeable future." Angela laughed.

"Give her space. You really can be quite annoying in large doses." Eragon twitched, but his smile remained in place, "Do not expect anything from her to begin with. You really do expect the world to do your bidding at times." Eragon's smile faltered slightly, "Compliment her _subtly _and not in front of others. You have a tendency to not consider your surroundings and foolishly hurt or embarrass people as a result of which." Eragon abandoned trying to smile, "If you are angering or upsetting her, apologise, leave. You tend to acquire verbal diohrrea when trying to damage control." Eragon's brows furrowed, "Do _not _appear to be abandoning or neglecting your training to be with her, it will upset her a lot. You seem to have a one track mind with matters like these, and do not consider the feelings of others at all, inflicting a lot of hurt." Eragon frowned deeply. "Oh, and one more thing." Eragon did his best not to sound as angry as he was, but his voice was still pained, slow, and deliberate.

"Which would be?" Angela looked and sounded infuriatingly cheerful.

"Don't pick flowers to give to her. I think she rather prefers them alive than dead.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"No you won't. You'll forget. That's why I'm going to ask Sapphira to remember, and remind you at the appropriate moments."

_I shall. _Replied Sapphira instantly.

_I thought that you were asleep. _

_You think many things that have no basis in truth, little one. _

_And what, pray tell, is that supposed to mean? _

_You will find out in due time. Angela is staring at you, by the way._

Eragon did his best to sound off hand,

"She says that she will, she also speaks in riddles almost as complex as yours, and reminds me to never speak about anything important when I believe her to be asleep, as she is, in fact, eavesdropping." Angela grinned.

"Good! Good!" She nodded at Sapphira. "Where are you sleeping tonight?"Eragon groaned.

"On a cliff?"

"Oh, well I can't beat that, but there's a spare bed at the shop if you'd like it."

"That would be..." Angela smirked.

"Unnecessary? Not needed? Unwanted?" Eragon smiled.

"Nice. That would be nice."

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Thanks for reading. Hopefully next chapter up soon, as my next operation isn't for a while (A few weeks) and I'd like to do some typing while _not _in intensive care.

Free hugs for reviewers! -Chases reviewers around with arms outstretched- Come on! You _know _you want a hug. Make me happy!


	7. Contemplated Kisses

Ah! I forgot the disclaimer on the last chapter, but anyway, rest assured, that if I owned Eragon, Angela would have a _way _bigger roll. Also, it probably wouldn't be finished yet. -

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The sun was warming Eragon's face and making the insides of his eyelids glow. Eragon sat up straight, yawned, and stretched. He should have left earlier than this, but it couldn't be helped now. He rolled over. He fell. He was now face down on the floor of Angela's shop.

"Great." He groaned against the floor. What a wonderful start to what he was sure was going to be a wonderful day. He got up, pulled on his shirt, and yawned again. He looked out of the shop window only to see that Angela was already up, and writing notes on the table outside her shop, as she had been doing yesterday. Eragon stretched one last time and opened the shop door, only to be hit with a wall of heat, it was going to be a hot day.

"How can your shop be so cool when it's so hot outside?" He asked casually, shielding his face against the bright light. Angela looked up from what she had been writing.

"How impolite, to start the day with a question. I don't even get a 'Good morning' first. So do you assume that I am only here to answer your questions and not a human being with thoughts and feeling of her own?" Eragon was, at first, struck by her comment, but after he took a moment he noticed the good humour in her voice. She was teasing him.

"You started the day with an insult. We're even." Angela sighed.

"How I sometimes yearn for the dull witted idiot who stumbled upon my shop with his mentor, a young lad who had no thoughts of his own and was so very easy to make fun of. Now," She eyed Eragon with distaste, "I'm stuck with you." Eragon sighed and sat down next to Angela at the table.

"I'm not that boy anymore." Angela returned to her writings.

"I noticed." Eragon's ego soared. "You are now that same young lad, only taller. Now I have to look _up _to tease you. How annoying." And then it plummeted back down to earth again.

"I have to get going soon." Angela did not look up from her work.

"Correction. You have to get going, oh, about two hours ago." A look of alarm spread across Eragon's face.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Angela looked at the sky and sighed.

"Because you looked so comfortable and I couldn't bring myself to wake you." The look of alarm on Eragon's face remained.

"Really?" Angela continued to look at the sky.

"No. I didn't wake you up because you can't expect others to do that for you. Especially not me." Eragon breathed a sigh of relief.

"Then, I should go."

"You should indeed." Eragon stood, but didn't move, he was pondering whether he should kiss Angela on the cheek before he left, it was what he had done at the Varden to say goodbye to ladies of the court. Then he noticed that Angela was looking at him. They stood there for a few seconds, just looking at each other, before Angela said simply,

"Don't do it." Eragon smirked.

"Thanks for your help, your advice, and the spare bed." Angela looked thoughtful, and there was a pause, before she said,

"I'd say don't mention it, but you just did. I'd say it was no trouble, but it was. So I'll just say that you're welcome." Eragon bowed and said, in a mock prestigious voice,

"Thank you kindly, dear lady." Angela snorted. Eragon laughed and set off running for the gates of Teirm. His journey was beginning at last.

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Sorry that it's so short! But at least it's something! So sorry again for the wait before chapter 6, but now I've actually updated two times in the same day! (Granted that chapter 6 was in the small hours of the morning.) Please forgive me, I'm in and out of hospital constantly. Anywho, next chapter up ASAP, free chocolate milkshake for reviewers! -Hands out chocolate milkshake in Starbucks cups for reviewers- Make me happy!


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